Q&A: Getting Your Groove Back After a Breakup
Author of the bestseller ebook:
Double Your Dating, What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women
>>> THIS WEEK'S QUESTION
OK, before you read the email that's featured in this question, I have to WARN YOU.
This guy obviously likes my materials, and he shamelessly promotes my Advanced Dating Techniques Program about a bazillion times.
I actually debated about whether or not to use this email, because I didn't want it to just come across as cheezy... but the reality is that this email contains some killer insights, and I want to make some comments and use it to point out some VERY important lessons.
So I'm going to leave in the over-selling of my Advanced Series, and you enjoy this newsletter...
I recently ordered & received the Advanced Series.
Wow, this is what I have been looking for. First of all... THANK YOU. I think you have taken a whole bunch of complex processes and teachings and combined them into some very useful material that is digestible and sets a path to gaining some real skill.
I have been down since an ex-girlfriend thrashed my heart three years ago.
I mean I had my ass handed to me, and I have been in a serious rut with Women.
I just turned 40 and that hit hard. I was feeling sorry for myself and thinking I was never going to get laid again. I have been joking with my buddies for a while about being in need of an operation to have the needy teddy bear inside of me surgically removed. I had been saying. “I need an operation, I am a terminal nice guy”. I have now re-framed that and recognize that I am implementing my “wuss-cure”.
By Thursday I completed all of the CDs of the Advanced Series. I have taken every opportunity to go through the material when driving. Coming into this past Friday night I began my second run.
I am lucky that I have already been building my Mastermind Group, unfortunately that has not been enough because I have not been getting it. I have been failing and at the same time watching my buddies score left and right. I got to the point where I was meeting women but doing stupid clingy stuff to repel them. You know, calling to soon, showing too much interest and worst of all being the polite, nice to girls, no conflict boy my mamma raised me to be.
Friday night I went out with one of my boys who is a Jedi Master. We started the night at a pub and discussed strategy. Yes, I made it clear I was seeking advice and wanted to learn. We reviewed a recent failure where a girl I wanted and had a brief cuddling experience with ended up wanting him instead. She started calling him; he had just been over to her house... I was not hung up on the girl, I was focused on the idea that it was not about the one, it was about the skill. I knew it was not my friend's intention to win this girl; she was simply attracted to him and not to me. So anyway, we debriefed on the situation and it was all-good. We then set out on the hunt.
I was pumped with the idea that this is my reality and she (whoever she was, was a guest). Well, it worked. We stopped at a new pub; my friend went to the bar and ordered a couple of beers. When I walked up to the bar he was waiting for our beers and strategically wedged between a group of girls.
I asked him... hey, what did you order for me? A cute little 23 year old next to him looked at me and said “oh, he ordered you a Zima...” Hey, this is Seattle and Men drink Beer. It was on; I played, had fun and could have cared less about the outcome. I have not had any real action for a long time. My game was on; she drove me home and did not leave until after sun was up. I got very little sleep.
As she was leaving I casually said “hey, write down your email address and phone number so I know where to reach you”. The closest thing I had to write on was a coaster with another girls name and number on it; I turned it over and had her write on the back. Because I had been a good student, I had been spanking her whenever she did something good.
She wrote: name, email, home number and in big bold letters at the bottom “NO SPANKING”.
~L. -- Seattle
I'd like to comment on a few of the things you've said here, and point out some very important points that you've brought up.
First, you said that you found yourself in a situation where you had just broken up with a long-term girlfriend, and you'd just turned 40. You were feeling sorry for yourself and feeling like you might wind up never succeeding with women again.
I'm not 40, but I can certainly identify with the situation you were in.
In the past, whenever I would break up with a girlfriend, I ALWAYS felt a lonely, insecure, NEEDY feeling in the pit of my stomach.
Nature has cursed many of us guys with an instant and automatic DESPERATION mechanism that kicks in the moment a woman leaves us... lol.
It really does suck. I can remember it all too well, by the way. Thanks for reminding me!
But really, I think that most of the men walking around on this planet knows that feeling of wanting to have the Wuss inside surgically removed at that very moment.
GOOD JOB getting back on the road to success, by the way.
The combination of getting some good education (by way of my Advanced Series), and, VERY IMPORTANTLY, your group of guy friends who you went out with, was a good thing.
I'm proud of you for believing in yourself enough to DO SOMETHING, and not just throwing in the towel, and sitting in your desperation alone... doing nothing.
As you well know, I highly recommend spending time watching guys who know what's up as they interact with women... which you've done.
One thing you mentioned REALLY caught my eye, though...
You mentioned that a woman you had spent some time with, and even CUDDLED with, wound up liking one of your friends.
This is usually a tough thing for most guys to handle.
But you REALLY did the right thing.
You didn't take it PERSONALLY.
In fact, you REALLY, REALLY did the right thing when you TALKED to your buddy about it, and went over what happened.
You took the perspective that it was more important to LEARN THE SKILL than it was to GET THE GIRL.
(By the way, I used to have a friend who would always get upset if any guy ever talked to any of the women he had talked to. Of course, he never had any success with ANY of the women in the end. On the other hand, I have a few friends who could care less if you talk to ALL of the women they're talking to... they just don't get jealous. Guess what? They're all the most successful guys I know when it comes to women and dating. Coincidence? I think not...)
To put this whole thing differently, it's SO important to always try to get the LESSON in a particular situation instead of the GIRL in that particular situation.
If you don't get the lesson, you'll keep banging your head against the wall (or rubbing it against your palm, whichever)... but if you GET THE LESSON in a situation, it will help you for the rest of your life. Get the lesson, and don't worry about the particular girl. It's never worth it to take things personally in these types of situations.
On to the next topic...
You mentioned that later in the evening you went to a pub, and got into a conversation with a girl...
You only HINTED at the nature of the conversation, but from experience, I know exactly what the “vibe” was.
You asked your friend what he ordered you, and a girl nearby teased you and said “A Zima”.
And I'd be willing to bet you a dollar that you DIDN'T answer her by acting like a WUSSY.
You knew what to do.
You now understand something that's KEY.
You now “get” how to have a conversation with a woman that sparks ATTRACTION and actually CREATES “chemistry” and sexual tension.
In the past when you were interacting with women you probably did the same thing that most of the guys on the planet do (and the same thing that I did for YEARS of my own life)... You were an EXTRA NICE GUY.
You never said anything “edgy”, you always let the WOMAN lead the conversation, you never said anything controversial, and you always carefully listened to what she said so you kept the conversation “positive”.
You know what I'm talking about... that friendly, sterile, no-tension, artificially sugar-coated nice-guy kind of conversation?
The kind that every one of us guys tries to keep going when we meet a girl we like... or we take a girl out on a date, etc....
The kind that attractive women HATE... and the kind that bores women to TEARS!
What's interesting to me is how INSTANTLY women respond to this kind of overly-confident, fun, energy-charged banter... and how women RUN from guys who use the “I'm such a nice guy, and I want you to like me” kind of talk.
By the way, nice touch turning over a coaster from a bar that already had a girl's number on it and having her write her info on the back.
You certainly are starting to get it, my man.
Well, I could go on and on... and there are some more great gems of wisdom in your email.
Let's just say, if you were closer I'd give you a strong, manly slap on the back and tell you that you're almost not a Wussbag anymore.
If you're reading this right now, and you're at that point in your life where you've turned an age that's getting you down... or you've just broken up with a woman that you've been together with for a long time... or something else has you feeling like you're never going to be able to “get your groove back” when it comes to women, then LISTEN UP.
It does NOT have to be that way.
I honestly believe that you can improve your success with women DRAMATICALLY if you CHOOSE to do it... and you LEARN HOW to do it.
Stop sitting there wishing for things to change and hoping that a super-model jumps off the T.V. screen and MAKE IT HAPPEN for yourself.
I've spent a lot of time now figuring out the things you need to do to increase your success with women... and I honestly believe that any man can do it, IF he TAKES ACTION.
You heard the things that this particular guy learned from my Advanced Dating Techniques program. There are hundreds and hundreds of success stories just like this one.
I want you to be next. Really. If you're ready for an IN-DEPTH education on everything from overcoming fear and approaching women... to getting numbers and dates... and taking things to a “physical level”, then you MUST get your hands on a copy of my my eBook “Double Your Dating,” and you need to do it NOW. It's my original manual for success with women and dating, and it's the place to get started if you want to take your success with women to the next level.
While you’re doing that, sign up for my FREE newsletter at the same time. Every week it is packed with great emails like this one and information that you can use to take your success with women to the next level.
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And I'll talk to you again soon.
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Q&A: Approaching Women and Starting Conversations
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Q&A: Getting Your Groove Back After a Breakup
David DeAngelo is the author of “Double Your Dating - What Every Man Should Know About How To Be Successful With Women”, and has taught thousands of men how to be more successful with women and dating.
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