What to Say to a Guy on a First Date
by Sarah Paul, Relationships Expert
You open the door and your heart catches in your throat. He’s gorgeous. He opens the door of the car for you, and neither of you have much to say as you drive to the restaurant. Basic conversation about what you do and where you’re from takes you through starters. Then, in the lull before the entrees come, both of you fall silent. You stare at the water glass. He starts to fold his napkin. Oh no, you think, is he bored of me already? At the next table you catch a glimpse of a couple laughing; the girl is telling a story, and her date is leaning forward to catch every word. That could be you … if you only knew what to say.
Don’t get caught with nothing to say on a first date! The women who can keep a guy’s interest from the moment he meets her know a secret: guys love relaxed, warm, funny, positive gals who like hearing them talk. There is nothing that a guy finds more flattering than to be asked about his opinions and experiences.
So when you find yourself in a situation where the silence starts to grow, ask a question! What do you want to know about this guy? What intrigues you?
When you’re on a first date, remember the following tips.
1. Keep all conversation positive.
Never bring up negative things, like how hard your life is right now, how complicated things are with your parents, or how you’re sorry that your nails are chipped because you didn’t have time for a manicure. Never complain about ANYTHING. Avoid talking about your expectations for a relationship and ANY controversial subjects until you get to know him better.
When you are nervous, you often speak faster, and you may appear more serious, intense, or silly than you usually are. Before you go out on your date, you may want to try watching a funny movie. Laughing will relax all your muscles, send good feelings to your brain, and get your blood pumping.
You’ll greet your guy with a great big smile on your face—and he’ll think it’s all because of him.
3. When he is talking, lean forward and actively listen.
Flirtatious signals such as crossing your legs, playing with your hair, or even cupping your hand under your chin may make him aware of your attributes. Guys respond to visual cues much better than verbal ones. If you’re interested, let your body do the talking for you.
4. Don’t ask the same old questions.
Everyone gets asked what they do or where they’re from. Try some questions that he’s never been asked before. If you can, focus the question on something that you’ve noticed about him specifically.
5. Avoid asking him questions about his job or the kind of car he drives or whether he owns his own house.
It may appear as if you’re a gold-digger who won’t take any guy who makes less than Donald Trump.
6. If you’ve got any interesting hobbies or an unusual job, play it up!
Guys love independent women with adventurous streaks. They imagine that she might just spring some new kind of adventure on them. Just don’t go on about it too long. He may look as if he’s enjoying listening to you, but turn the conversation to him so that you get to know as much about him as possible … which is the point of the date, after all. You already know about yourself!
7. Give him a little help, but don’t do all the work yourself.
As much as we may believe that the world is 50% men and 50% women, and all responsibilities should be divided accordingly, in the realm of romance men still like to feel as if they wear the pants. Help a guy along a bit on conversation if things are floundering, but let him guide the conversation as much as you can. He wants to make a good impression on you just as much as you want to make a good impression on him.
Here are some other conversation starters that you might try to break the ice.
Conversation Starter #1:
“What’s your favorite sport? Do you follow any teams?”
Guys love to talk about sports, and they’ll be more than willing to share the details on their favorite team. Asking this kind of question tells a guy that you’re willing to go halfway and that you’re not going to find his statistics-spouting boring as dirt. It will relax him immediately … and, if you like sports, too, it will be a match made in heaven.
Conversation Starter #2:
“That’s a cool watch/shirt/pair of shoes. Where did you get it?”
The fact that you’ve noticed some aspect of his appearance will mean a lot to him. He’ll feel flattered that you’ve been checking him out, and examining it more closely will require that you lean close and do some light stroking for a closer look. This is a great opportunity to show how fantastic you think he looks … and guys don’t get compliments like that often.
Conversation Starter #3:
“Have you ever done X?”
Your first date is when you start to find common ground, and comparing hobbies and experiences is the first place to start. Asking your date about his experiences can allow him to brag a little or give you the opportunity to bring up cool things that you have done.
Conversation Starter #4:
“Have you ever been to Y?”
Everyone likes talking about places they’ve been. Ask him if he has ever been to a local hotspot that you enjoy. Maybe it's a club, a coffee shop, a museum, or even a park or hiking trail. If he hasn’t been there, and you are hitting it off by that point, he may very well see that as a suggestion to use when asking you for a second date!
You can learn A LOT more about how to attract the man of your dreams and get the relationship you always wanted at:
How to Be Irresistible to Men
Make Every Man Want You More
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