First dates are supposed to be fun, but for Carol they weren’t. Every time she went out with a guy for the first time, she spent an entire week worried about how it would go. On the special night, she started preparing hours in advance. Bath, clothes, makeup, final touches…. By the time he arrived, she was exhausted, pale, and not at all herself. Needless to say, Carol didn’t get many second dates.
When I shared with her some of the ideas in this article, she told me, “But how can I do that? If I don’t have everything absolutely perfect for the first date, he won’t want me back!" It took Carol time, but after a month of practicing diligently, she was getting second dates … and thirds. The ideas that I am going to share with you work!
1. Let Him be a Gentleman
You may be an ardent feminist, but a guy doesn’t want to be confused about roles on the very first date. Let him open the car door for you, find the table at the restaurant, order the wine and pay the check. He’ll feel more comfortable knowing that he’s following the traditional pattern of courtship, and when you accept his efforts gratefully he’ll feel confident that he’s showing you a good time.
You may be surprised to know this, but men will feel more attracted to you when they know that you are enjoying yourself because of something they’ve done. The best feeling a man can have is to know that he’s made a woman happy. John Gray, author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, discusses how men love to give, and women can give them a gift by receiving with appreciation. I don’t meant that you should tell your date how much you appreciate his every little action; rather, the fact that you’re having a good time and grinning from ear to ear will tell him all he needs to know.
Especially on your first date, let him be the guide. If he gets lost on the way to the restaurant, don’t offer directions; just sit quietly, with the confidence that he knows what he needs to do to find the way. If a conflict arises at the restaurant—perhaps they’ve lost the reservation, or you got the wrong order—let him handle it. This will show him that you have confidence in him, which will be a big boost to his ego.
2. Loosen Up and Enjoy Some Spontaneity
A date should not be hard work! If anything, HE is the one who should be working hard while you sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery. Men love to be with women who set them at ease and make them feel comfortable to be themselves. Men find first dates just as stressful as you, so when they take out a woman who is relaxed and ready to enjoy herself, they immediately feel as if she was worth all the trouble it took to plan the date.
So don’t criticize, don’t talk about anything negative, and avoid any “deep" conversations on that all-important first date. Have fun together! Even if you know he’s not the one from the moment you spot his toupee or checkered jacket at the door, you can at least have an entertaining night and feel content that you’re not sitting home alone waiting for Mr. Right to knock on the door.
If you’re up for anything, a guy will appreciate your enthusiasm. Say that something isn’t going right—you spilled your drink on your dress, a heel broke on your shoe, or his car broke down on the freeway. The way you respond will tell him how you’ll act when the crunch time comes when you’re in a relationship together. If you can carry off any crazy situation with aplomb and humor, he’ll be wowed … and he’ll want to keep you from getting away.
3. Let Your Independence Show
First dates are a time to decide if you want to get to know each other better. The more interesting tidbits you have to share about your life—hobbies, achievements, unusual experiences, unique interests—the more he’ll realize that there is a lot more about you that he’s yet to discover. Don’t give him your life story all at once, though. Mention the time you met a shark while diving, or nearly broke your leg hiking in the Yucatan … and move on to another topic, saying that you’ll tell him the full story another time. This tells him two things: first, that you’re a woman full of mysterious and exciting ideas, and second, that you’ve given him permission to ask you out again.
Men prefer women with full, active lives to women whose only interest is to find a partner with whom to spend the rest of their life. If the only reason that you are going out on a date is to find Mr. Right, you may want to reassess your priorities before you head out that door. Remember that you are a fulfilled, confident, amazing woman. You are NOT looking to your date to be a knight in shining armor and rescue your life from the Dread Tower of Loneliness. Rather, you’re going out there to have a good time with a person you’ve never met before. He may end up becoming a good friend rather than the soulmate you were hoping for. The most important thing to remember is DON’T lay all your expectations on him! Poor fellow … he’s just human, after all.
4. Make a Good First Impression
In a survey about the attributes that are most attractive and unattractive in a potential partner, several hundred single men and women compiled the following list.
What Makes a Good First Impression:
warmth, sense of humor, imagination, confidence, success, fitness, individuality, body language, conversational ability, aspiration, power, creativity, kindness.
What Makes a Poor First Impression:
self-centered, closed minded and judgmental, lack of manners, poor conversational ability, negative life attitude, lack of education, immature, indecisive, no opinions, lack of integrity, war stories from past relationships, complaining, shallowness, only interested in sex, power games, manipulation, materialistic.
You can never know exactly what a guy will like, want, or need when you first meet him, but you can make a good first impression. If you leave him with a positive image of you, you can almost guarantee that you will hear from him again. Just remember that he already asked you out on that first date! He wants to like you and enjoy your company. If he feels good when he is with you, you will see good results.
You can learn A LOT more about how to attract the man of your dreams and get the relationship you always wanted at:
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